A year and a half

We've been on this assignment for over a year and a half now--at least halfway through. Thinking about day-to-day life right now, a lot has changed since we first got here. 

Covid. Two weeks of quarantine on arrival. There were zero cases in the country on some days, and there were things we could do in Singapore that we hadn't been able to do back home. We could go to the movies, the theater, mini golfing!! There were other restrictions, though--signing in and out on the Trace Together app, our temperature had to be taken when we went inside buildings, we had to mask everywhere, and there were caps on group sizes. A few freedoms in exchange for a lot of restrictions. And a constant barrage of changing rules and restrictions. You can only go out in groups of 2. Then 4. Then back to 2. Eating out allowed. Eating out not allowed. Eating out allowed in groups of 2. You're allowed 2 people over to your house a day. Now 3. Now 5. Spikes up to cases of 10,000-20,000.

PCRs required to leave and enter the country. Then ARTs required every day for a week after getting back from an overseas trip. We went to Australia over the Christmas holiday and had to take 3 PCRs and 6 ARTs each, plus 3 days of quarantine. That was when omicron was on the rise and Australia was just coming out of severe mobility restrictions. 

Hotel quarantine required. At-home quarantine required. It was a never-ending shift in policies and personal freedoms.

In April, things finally started to relax. The forced check in/out of every building, every store, every damn place was no longer required. I'm still excited and appreciative of this. It wasn't just that you had to check in everywhere, it was that you had to check in, then show the door monitors that you'd checked in. A two-step process (that had once been a three-step process while temperature monitoring was in force) that, every time I went through it, I felt distrusted and a little degraded. It is refreshing to have the freedom to walk into buildings, stores, even public parks without being monitored. 

Doors and entryways that were closed off finally opened. Which has meant that we're learning how to navigate again, figuring out whole new ways to get in and around buildings. So many doors and entryways were shut to funnel people into the monitored entrances for forced check in/out. Now that the barriers are gone, I sometimes get lost all over again and have to re-orient myself. 

We don't have to wear masks outside anymore, which I honestly didn't think would happen during our entire time here. It has been a huge relief to finally be able to walk out of our building and not feel smothered in a mask outside. Wearing a mask in this heat and humidity was sweaty and gross. One of our friends came to visit and sweat through their mask. How effective can a mask be if it's so inundated that you can't even breathe through it?

Living here during Covid was an uncomfortable experiment in uncertainty, limitation, and diminished autonomy, and it certainly had repercussions for what our experience has been. While we'd envisioned a life of friend-making and socializing, that hasn't been the case. No surprise there, everyone's experience has been like that over the last few years, but it lasted longer than we anticipated. And it's different when you're socially starting from scratch. Before we left Seattle, we were just starting to be able to see friends again. Here, it was mostly just the two of us. We got so used to only being able to go out with each other. That whole social expat life isn't really something we've experienced. Marcus has now joined running and soccer groups, but I'm still feeling a little burned out on trying to network and make new friends. I made a lot of effort when we first got here, networking through friends, signing up for an expat club, finding women's business clubs to join. But with the limitations on group sizes, none of the clubs could meet, and even when they could, the ones I signed up for just didn't really come back together. The book clubs I joined continue to meet remotely. The friends I made mostly got tired of the limitations and moved away. Thank goodness for family friends. Thank goodness they're still here. If it weren't for them, I probably wouldn't have any free flowing social interaction.

The fact that I work from home, with a team based in Seattle, adds to the sense of isolation and a lack of connection. Marcus worries about me spending so much time alone, but I'm pretty zen about it. I go to yoga classes and spend time experimenting in the kitchen. I'm enthralled with produce I've never seen/tasted/experimented with before. Curry leaves, laksa leaves, pandan, kaffir lime, blue butterfly pea. Old ginger, young ginger, blue ginger, turmeric. Celtuce, ridged gourd, chayote, lotus root. Jambu, guava, calamansi, red dates. I even bought a cacao pod when we were in Malaysia and got to taste the raw fruit and seeds (the raw fruit was tropical-y and slimey, while the seeds were nutty and crunchier than expected). 

One of the big reasons we were so excited to move here was the proximity to so many amazing places in southeast Asia that we could travel to. With that avenue firmly shut for so long, we did a solid job of exploring this island. We went on a long walk nearly every weekend for a year, mostly to different places. Positive: there are walking and biking paths that connect a lot of the parks on the island, so there are miles and miles of paths to choose from. Negative: most paths are rudely interrupted by roads and highways that have to be navigated ,with some coming to abrupt and unexpected ends either because the sidewalk literally just comes to an end, or because, as on the vast majority of our walks, there's construction forcing detours. 

Walks are always followed by a visit to a hawker center, where we get to partake in authentic Singaporean cuisine and culture. I still feel like the closest I've gotten to Singaporean life is in the hawker centers, especially if it's at the bottom of an HDB. HDB = Housing Development Board = government-owned housing where 80% of Singaporeans live. They're generally giant housing blocks that house thousands and thousands of people--in each block. This island has an incredibly dense population, and while government housing has stigma back in the U.S. or Australia, the government housing here is, to this outsider, pretty great. A lot of them are painted brightly and have character, so even if the architecture is boring (and it's not always boring, there are some striking HDBs), the paint job makes it feel uplifting. 

The hawker centers at HDBs are close to Singaporean life. They're a part of it. Many of them are located on the ground floor of HDBs. We're generally the only white people at the hawker centers, so we get a lot of weird looks. Having built up tunnel vision to avoid the male gaze, I'm sometimes not as attuned to how uncomfortable we often make other people feel by going to the centers. Sometimes it's more blatant. Like when we're waiting in line for kopi and as soon as we get to the front of the queue, the stall closes. When I order wantons, then watch fresh wantons come out of steamers for the customers in front of me, and I get the wantons that are pulled out from under the counter in a plastic bucket and unceremoniously dumped onto the plate. When we don't get the garnishes other customers do on the same dishes. When we order juice and try to instigate a friendly interaction (which, let's face it, 9 times out of 10 falls flat) and get nothing, then the people behind us get absolute bubbliness. 

I do generally get the sense that those are spaces in which we're not welcome. But there are lovely experiences, too. When we're in the heartlands and go into a bakery and they seem genuinely surprised, in a friendly way, that we've made it into their store (where they have ginormous pans of chiffon cake that you buy in slices). The kopi stand that thanks you for bringing your own cups. Or the other kopi stand that told me all about their hawthorne tea and made it less sweet for me. The produce guy who's always friendly when I go to his stall (even if his wife continues to give a skeptical eye). The carrot cake guy who was so surprised to see a white lady at a hawker center, he came over to talk to me. The egg tart guy who, while not friendly, did put aside two egg tarts when I pre-ordered and hadn't yet paid.  

Walks, hawker centers, and new foods have pretty much been the highlight of my time here. The top of my list so far:

• The jambu galette I made, adapted from the recipe in Wet Market to Table by Pamelia Chia. Her book has been great inspiration for getting into local fruit and veg. 
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• The snake gourd lemon cake/bread, also from Wet Market to Table. I couldn't find snake gourd so used ridge gourd and it was bright-tasting and addictive. Between the two of us I think we smashed it in two days. Even buying the ridge gourd was a fun experience, as the side-eye-giving produce lady showed me how to peel that gnarly gourd. (The bake wasn't a pretty one, but it was maybe the best snack cake I've ever had.)

• The wantons and dumplings at Alexandra Food Court. The dumplings are the best I've ever had, way better than Din Tai Fung, and the lady who runs the stall isn't mean!

• The egg tarts from SLII Muffin at the Bukit Timah hawker center. His egg tarts are so good, they've put me onto egg tarts period. I now look for them at every hawker center we visit. None have been as good as his. The crust is short and sweet and the egg custard jiggles.

• Chicken rice from Tian Tian Hainanese at Maxwell. This is a super well-known, Michelin hawker stall. We've tried quite a few Michelin hawkers, and I think it's questionable that they're better than many others not on the list. According to my palate, anyway. But Tian Tian's chicken rice is amazing. The chicken is so tender it rivals chicken cooked at the fanciest restaurants. And the rice--pure comfort food. 

• Chicken porridge at Tiong Bahru. An early favorite, a good favorite. They often sell out by 10am and shut down for the rest of the day. That's a hell of a business. 

• The orange ciabatta toast and kopi at Good Morning Nanyang cafe. It's a spin on the typical Singaporean breakfast of kopi and kaya toast, and their toast is pure deliciousness. The kopi, too. To top it off, the lady who runs it is super kind. She was impressed that we had a local kopi order (kopi c siew dai--kopi with evaporated milk plus less sugar). The second time we went there, we patiently waited for a table to vacate and when the hawk of a lady who started waiting after us tried to swoop in, the lady who runs the shop told her the table was ours. <3 Majorly love their toast and that lady. 
• Banh mis from Signs A Taste of Vietnam Pho, down in the depths of one of the many shopping malls on Orchard Road. I don't know how we stumbled across this place, it's totally off the beaten track, but the banh mis are the best we've had here, and again, double-bonus that keeps us coming back for more--the owner is lovely. He and the lady who work there are deaf and communicate via sign, and despite my sign language being limited/nonexistent, we have nice conversations every time I'm there. He even made fun of me for having such an old phone. Every time we leave this place, I feel lighter in spirit (if not in my belly--their avocado shake is also delicious, but that plus a banh mi is too much). 
• Kueh tutu (or putu piring) also at Maxwell. Kueh is a term for a wide variety of small, sweet and savory snack foods. Kueh tutu is a sweet one made of rice flour and fillings like peanuts, coconut, or chocolate, then steamed. They're always made fresh to order and served on a piece of pandan leaf. The putu piring from Haig Road is the classic, also Michelin, and is very tasty.

• Freshly made waffles. A lot of the more old-school bakeries here make fresh to order waffles for just a few dollars. Sometimes they're even pandan waffles, and you can choose your filling. This is my favorite one up at the very northern tip of the island, looking over at Malaysia (before we could actually go to Malaysia).

So a year and a half on. It's been a struggle with the autonomous, very American, very former Mormon part of me that bristles at being told what to do constantly. Luckily, with the lessening of Covid restriction enforcement, this is getting better. The food knowledge acquisition is a satisfying and ongoing quest. Being able to travel now is life changing, and the fact that I work remotely means I can really get into it. 

There's a newfound anger that I'm trying to dig into and better understand. It flares up regularly. Dealing with our real estate agent is a constant source of anger and disappointment--amidst broken kitchen appliances, flooding, termites, and regular visits from the associated home maintenance folks, I'm liable to explode over a canceled visit because the repairman has gotten Covid. True story. I'm becoming an asshole. I used to think of myself as culturally adaptable, but I'm becoming aware that is not the case. I struggle with trying to respect others' space while not letting mine be trampled, all while recognizing that I'm the foreigner. I'm the one whose concept of space doesn't belong. 

Life experience, right? I think it's one of the ones I'll appreciate more on the other side. Even though I'm trying to tell myself to be better at enjoying it in the present.