It's a late-seeming night at work--the office is quiet, the sun has set for the day, and my belly is grumbling for sustenance, clearly not convinced that it will be satiated by a few pieces of dark mint chocolate. Rightly so. I'm killing time, waiting for the beginning of another opening night. This is certainly one of the fun things about my job, getting to go to opening nights and getting free tickets to all kinds of different shows. One night found us in the basement of the opera house in an intimate cabaret show where the singer danced on our table and ate some of my Toblerone. Another night saw us sitting inside one of the grand sails reacting badly to Australian opera in the form of Tosca. We also found ourselves viewing a show by what is likely the premier modern dance company in the country. A show that mostly consisted of sidelong glances between we, the audience members as we watched the dancers writhing on the massive stage in front of us.
Irish comedies. Shakespeare. Drama. Dance. Opera. New commissions still in developmental stages. Dress rehearsals.
Free.
I'm not entirely sure how this came to be my life, but truly I love this game.
My job itself has not reached high stress levels, or even medium stress levels. That could be due to the fact that I'm still quite new and our department is missing its third member. But things are relaxed. Is that a good thing? I tend to work harder when I have a lot of things going on--in fact I may even do better work as I'm more focused. Relaxed is nice, too, though. But I, along with the rest of my generation, have been told that ambition and hard work are important characteristics. When are we ever okay with the level we're at? Do we ever stop and take stock of where we are and what we have accomplished and pat ourselves on the back for it? Would that be okay or does that necessarily entail a bit of conceit?
Oh the questions of our generation...
Once upon a time I used to be a great journaler. I journaled nearly every day right before I went to bed. Writing was my catharsis and it felt so good to put my thoughts through pen and on to paper. Even typing was good. But I've always noticed that my journaling often was most intense during the hard times, when life wasn't going quite as I planned or if I had a particularly bad day, a break up, a challenge. Maybe it was due to thinking? Or feeling a lot?
Which leaves the other side--less journaling when I've been happy. I could go back to my journals in Seattle and clearly see that when I was in the beginning of a relationship, in the happy times, my journal entries were sparse. Then towards the end of the relationship, entries were increasingly frequent and tear-stained.
Well, I've been in Australia for almost two years and I have only one journal to show for it. As this is easily the best relationship I have ever had (and hope to have), this clearly indicates that I have been happy. Which I have! There has been a great degree of difficulty and often I feel myself at odds with this country (or perhaps this city), but Marcus has been here to anchor me through the rough times.
Anyway, this is a bit choppy but I guess what I'm trying to feel out at the moment is the fact that I haven't written nearly as much as I used to. I used to fancy myself a bit of a writer (and deep down still hope there's some truth to that) but maybe it was all emotional outlet. Then if the negative emotion isn't there, and the outlet isn't as needed, what to write? I think I've become a bit boring, though if I'm honest I feel like my life is pretty exciting! Maybe I just don't want to write about it and seem conceited or arrogant? And am I lacking a certain depth that used to be there?
Who knows. This topic begs further contemplation (perhaps because I'm dragging some negativity and drama into my life so I can write about it and thus feel fulfilled--strange). Don't you love stream of consciousness writing? :)
Irish comedies. Shakespeare. Drama. Dance. Opera. New commissions still in developmental stages. Dress rehearsals.
Free.
I'm not entirely sure how this came to be my life, but truly I love this game.
My job itself has not reached high stress levels, or even medium stress levels. That could be due to the fact that I'm still quite new and our department is missing its third member. But things are relaxed. Is that a good thing? I tend to work harder when I have a lot of things going on--in fact I may even do better work as I'm more focused. Relaxed is nice, too, though. But I, along with the rest of my generation, have been told that ambition and hard work are important characteristics. When are we ever okay with the level we're at? Do we ever stop and take stock of where we are and what we have accomplished and pat ourselves on the back for it? Would that be okay or does that necessarily entail a bit of conceit?
Oh the questions of our generation...
Once upon a time I used to be a great journaler. I journaled nearly every day right before I went to bed. Writing was my catharsis and it felt so good to put my thoughts through pen and on to paper. Even typing was good. But I've always noticed that my journaling often was most intense during the hard times, when life wasn't going quite as I planned or if I had a particularly bad day, a break up, a challenge. Maybe it was due to thinking? Or feeling a lot?
Which leaves the other side--less journaling when I've been happy. I could go back to my journals in Seattle and clearly see that when I was in the beginning of a relationship, in the happy times, my journal entries were sparse. Then towards the end of the relationship, entries were increasingly frequent and tear-stained.
Well, I've been in Australia for almost two years and I have only one journal to show for it. As this is easily the best relationship I have ever had (and hope to have), this clearly indicates that I have been happy. Which I have! There has been a great degree of difficulty and often I feel myself at odds with this country (or perhaps this city), but Marcus has been here to anchor me through the rough times.
Anyway, this is a bit choppy but I guess what I'm trying to feel out at the moment is the fact that I haven't written nearly as much as I used to. I used to fancy myself a bit of a writer (and deep down still hope there's some truth to that) but maybe it was all emotional outlet. Then if the negative emotion isn't there, and the outlet isn't as needed, what to write? I think I've become a bit boring, though if I'm honest I feel like my life is pretty exciting! Maybe I just don't want to write about it and seem conceited or arrogant? And am I lacking a certain depth that used to be there?
Who knows. This topic begs further contemplation (perhaps because I'm dragging some negativity and drama into my life so I can write about it and thus feel fulfilled--strange). Don't you love stream of consciousness writing? :)
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