A gossipy post--beware
I consider this to be a blog-worthy topic since it's something I would be bitching to my friends about back home and, well, I'm going to launch into a rant.
There's this girl at work. I've never quite encountered anyone quite like her and at first I thought this was a good thing. She's a girly girl, loves sugar, sweets and Disney, hates pants and nuts in her chocolate, plays sports fiercely and is never afraid to give her opinion. Loudly. I thought we'd get along swimmingly as we both have a massive sweet tooth and even knew someone in common before I came to the office. But things are a bit weird...
Most of the time she has the pretense of niceness, and sometimes I even think it's genuine. Then she flips and is dismissive, turns her body away from me and physically discludes me from conversation. On more than one occasion, there have been three of us from our department at a show and instead of getting seats for us all together, she'll get seats for just her and the other person--deliberately leaving me out. No apologies, not even a semblance of disappointment that I'm not sitting with them. Because she planned it that way.
This girl snubs me then flips and pretends to be nice and it's effing annoying the hell out of me. I'm not quite sure what to do about the situation--do I approach her about it and ask her directly why her behavior is so disclusive? A question which would be met with almost certain denial? Do I talk to my boss about it? Probably not, because then it does in fact become gossip and I look like a little girl running to her mommy. I don't know. At the moment I'm still observing and trying not to take it personally. It's difficult to not take personally, but to be honest it probably doesn't have much to do with me. It's probably the same reason that most Australian girls don't like me. They like to keep and protect their own inner circle, and I am not part of that inner circle. I'm an outsider.
It's funny, at an event tonight I was talking with this gal and another from our department when they started talking about family time and needing family time away from the boyfriends and girlfriends of brothers and sisters. That the boyfriends, girlfriends and significant others sometimes just didn't need to be there. Aha! There it is. Naturally I put my hand up, stating that I believe this to be a cultural difference, stating that my family includes boyfriends, girlfriends and significant others as a part of the family. That they're not then separate. I also mentioned that it sucks to be the girlfriend on the outside. This was met with some "Yeah but..."'s. I don't understand what this exclusivity is but it's awfully frustrating. And the worst part? I feel myself starting to grow a shell to protect myself from it. Sometimes I hear myself saying something that should have come out more sincerely or emphatically. Or not saying something that should have been said. A bit of callousness has emerged that isn't all that great, but evolved as a protection of sorts. Having to protect myself from people snubbing and excluding me.
However, all of that being said, most of the other people I work with are in fact nice and they're a wonderful group to work with. My boss is helping me to stand my ground and make my presence known. In a trustee meeting a few weeks ago, we were all sitting around a VERY crowded table. As the official minute-taker, I sat at a chair away from the table, not used to taking part in the meetings I take minutes for. But my boss pulled me right up. Then as people continued to file in, she whispered, "Stay." She urges me to stand my ground. AND at one of the previous events where I was "snubbed" and left to find a seat for myself, my boss looked up at me from the front row and motioned me down. My seat was front and center on the right side of my boss while CB sat to her left. Apparently some good can come from being snubbed. :) (And they did again tonight--second row, smack dab in the middle.)
Continuing to try to look on the bright side of life.
So. Bitchy girls. I thought we were done with high school, but it endures. Oh well, it's a relatively small challenge to deal with. I will not take it personally. (Marcus and I have started a daily ritual of reading a Four Agreements card at work. They're at his office and he takes out a card, types it up and sends it to me, and we use that as our thought of the day. Loving it.)
I wish people would be nicer. But (another Four Agreement) I will be impeccable with my word. People WILL be nicer. They can't help but be influenced by positivity, so I will pass on the positivity. When thoughts are put into words, they start putting an event into motion, so I am putting my positive wishes and thoughts into motion.
There's this girl at work. I've never quite encountered anyone quite like her and at first I thought this was a good thing. She's a girly girl, loves sugar, sweets and Disney, hates pants and nuts in her chocolate, plays sports fiercely and is never afraid to give her opinion. Loudly. I thought we'd get along swimmingly as we both have a massive sweet tooth and even knew someone in common before I came to the office. But things are a bit weird...
Most of the time she has the pretense of niceness, and sometimes I even think it's genuine. Then she flips and is dismissive, turns her body away from me and physically discludes me from conversation. On more than one occasion, there have been three of us from our department at a show and instead of getting seats for us all together, she'll get seats for just her and the other person--deliberately leaving me out. No apologies, not even a semblance of disappointment that I'm not sitting with them. Because she planned it that way.
This girl snubs me then flips and pretends to be nice and it's effing annoying the hell out of me. I'm not quite sure what to do about the situation--do I approach her about it and ask her directly why her behavior is so disclusive? A question which would be met with almost certain denial? Do I talk to my boss about it? Probably not, because then it does in fact become gossip and I look like a little girl running to her mommy. I don't know. At the moment I'm still observing and trying not to take it personally. It's difficult to not take personally, but to be honest it probably doesn't have much to do with me. It's probably the same reason that most Australian girls don't like me. They like to keep and protect their own inner circle, and I am not part of that inner circle. I'm an outsider.
It's funny, at an event tonight I was talking with this gal and another from our department when they started talking about family time and needing family time away from the boyfriends and girlfriends of brothers and sisters. That the boyfriends, girlfriends and significant others sometimes just didn't need to be there. Aha! There it is. Naturally I put my hand up, stating that I believe this to be a cultural difference, stating that my family includes boyfriends, girlfriends and significant others as a part of the family. That they're not then separate. I also mentioned that it sucks to be the girlfriend on the outside. This was met with some "Yeah but..."'s. I don't understand what this exclusivity is but it's awfully frustrating. And the worst part? I feel myself starting to grow a shell to protect myself from it. Sometimes I hear myself saying something that should have come out more sincerely or emphatically. Or not saying something that should have been said. A bit of callousness has emerged that isn't all that great, but evolved as a protection of sorts. Having to protect myself from people snubbing and excluding me.
However, all of that being said, most of the other people I work with are in fact nice and they're a wonderful group to work with. My boss is helping me to stand my ground and make my presence known. In a trustee meeting a few weeks ago, we were all sitting around a VERY crowded table. As the official minute-taker, I sat at a chair away from the table, not used to taking part in the meetings I take minutes for. But my boss pulled me right up. Then as people continued to file in, she whispered, "Stay." She urges me to stand my ground. AND at one of the previous events where I was "snubbed" and left to find a seat for myself, my boss looked up at me from the front row and motioned me down. My seat was front and center on the right side of my boss while CB sat to her left. Apparently some good can come from being snubbed. :) (And they did again tonight--second row, smack dab in the middle.)
Continuing to try to look on the bright side of life.
So. Bitchy girls. I thought we were done with high school, but it endures. Oh well, it's a relatively small challenge to deal with. I will not take it personally. (Marcus and I have started a daily ritual of reading a Four Agreements card at work. They're at his office and he takes out a card, types it up and sends it to me, and we use that as our thought of the day. Loving it.)
I wish people would be nicer. But (another Four Agreement) I will be impeccable with my word. People WILL be nicer. They can't help but be influenced by positivity, so I will pass on the positivity. When thoughts are put into words, they start putting an event into motion, so I am putting my positive wishes and thoughts into motion.
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